BAASATH SAAL

Dekho baasath saal ho gaye ham sab ko azaad hue,

Main bhi baasath saalon se honn sarhad par tainaat khara,

Registani dhoop, hawaayen thandi oonche parwat ki,

Aandhi ya toofan kabhi kuch mujhko diga nahi paaya,

Lekin ab tanhai mein aksar mein socha karta hoon,

Mujhko mere desh bata kya tera mein kuch lahta hoon ??

Tumne bola jang laro aur maine kabhi nahin socha,

Ismein mujhko kya haasil, na sahi ghalat hi kuch dekha,

Subeh se lekar shaam, shaam se subeh talak mein jagta hoon,

Tum logon ke bare khel ka mein adna sa Mohra hoon,

Mujhko mere desh bata kya tera mein kuch lagta hoon ??

Tumne apne ghar bhar dale,phir bhi pet nahin bharta,

Kitna aur kama sakta hoon subeh sahaam socha karta,

Aakaashon se oonchi hoti jaati sabki ichhayein,

Is sab ke dauraan kabhi kya mein bhi tujhko dikhta hoon,

Mujhko mere desh bata kya tera mein kuch lagta hoon ??

Aate ho tum kabhi kabhi Netaaon ka bhar ke Chola,

Jo kehte, sunte , karte ho, har-ik kadam naapa tola,

Phir tum wapas jaa kar apni duniyan main kho jaate ho,

Aur main tumko ruksat karke, pehre par char jaata hoon,

Mujhko mere desh batakya tera main kuch lagta hoon ??

Kal jab tum aaye the mujh tak, TV ki awaaz liye,

Parhe likhe logon ko us din tum aaye the saath liye,

Meri baatein kehte kehte, apni baatein keh dalin,

Tumse baatein karte karte main Nanga kyun dikhta hoon,

Mujhko mere desh bata kya tera main kuch lagta hoon ??

Mujko kuch maalum nahin tha main to dil se bola tha,

Aur tumhari khatir to bas wo TV ka ik show tha,

Desh mera har raat 9 baje, bas ik vada leta hai,

Tumne mujh se jo bulwaya wo bas meetha dhoka tha,

Aise mein khud apne se hi main sharminda hota hoon,

Mujhko mere desh bata kya tera main kuch lagta hoon ??

Wo jo mere sang jeete hain, marne ka dam bharte hain,

Bhaarat maa par mit jaane ka har pal wada karte hain,

Unko mein samjhaaoon kya, jab khud main samajh nahin paata,

Jo mujh ko pehchaan na paaye, main kyun un par marta hoon,

Mujhko mere desh bata kya tera main kuch lagta hoon ??

Mere Bete maine apna Jeewan jis par hai vara,

Jis ki khaatir main jeeya aur jeewan jis par tha haara,

Mera desh nahin sun paaya mere dil ki awaazein,

Apne Bete ko ye keh kar, main sharminda hota hoon,

Mujhko mere desh bata kya tera main kuch lagta hoon ??

Jis din hum azaad hue the Sainik tab ik sapna tha,

Bhai tha ,beta tha sabka, main tum sab ka apna tha,

Beech safar main kahaan kho gaya, saath nahin chal paaya main,

Sarhad meri karm bhoomi hai, karm sada mein karta hoon,

Lekin mere desh bata kya tera main kuch lagta hoon ??

A DAY IN ‘ICISA’

The course that I did in ICISA ( Internationa Center for Information System and Accounting)at NOIDA was an eye opener. I made many cartoons during the course on lessons and every day discussions in the class. Now the problems between the units and the audit people are well documented. It's an everyday situation. But as things stand today they speak 'French' when we speak 'Hebrew'. Officially an IFA is just an advisor while the power to take the final decision lies with the CFA, or so we think. We got the answer in a selective use of words which no one believed was attributable to bad English in spite of the credentials of the 'Faculty' for the same. The question was that what does the CFA do when the IFA fails to understand the logic behind certain expenditure. The answer was, and I quote "The IFA should overrule him because the IFA, is just an advisor. If the CFA has the AUDACITY he can overrule him" The Cartoon above represents that lesson. Pl remember the lesson, overrule him if you have the 'Audacity'.

Thum - kaun aata hai

Thum kaun aata hai, dost , pehchaan ke liye aage barho ---------

It was a calm night. The routine challenging procedures would break the calm of night every 15 to 20 minutes. The sentries were alert and the duty Officers, Junior Commissioned Officers were taking their rounds. In general all was well with the Military world on the boarders.

It was chilling in Laddakh with temperatures touching minus 15 degrees that night. I had just reached the the sunken, building with walls made of 'old Jericanes' with mud plaster and roof made of CJI sheets, our Officer's Mess. There were two more officers, both senior to me. Actually at that stage of my career, the complete Indian Army was senior to me. I had been commissioned only a few months ago and this was my first unit. Members of my species existed only to be seen and not to be heard. And hence I was sitting in a make shift bench made of what else ' old Jerricans' - having my drink in a steel glass taking care not to be heard.

There was a loud thud, as the door flung open and the Captain barged in suddenly, and shouted-

Baal baal bach gaye Sir, In Kaanchon ne kar diya tha kaam aaj,

He was referring to Gorkha soldiers.

In dead of Laddakh winters he had sweat on his forehead and was visibly shaken.

Laa bhai ek 'large' laga de jaldi se, - he demanded from the barman and was promptly served one. He gulped it down and asked for another one and lit a cigarette.

Kyaa bhai, you have had a Pow Wow with the Chinese or what ? said one of the officer in the bar.

Are Sir, unse to baad mein nibtenge, agar apne kanchon se bach gaye tab.

What he than narrated is a classic example of Military Communication and its implications, that we have lived with, in the Army, since ages.

The story goes like this,

Our young Capt ( I was a 2^nd Lieutenant than) was the duty officer of the day and had been on a routine round to check the sentries at all posts. Now, there were many posts, manned by all units of the Brigade and few of them were 'Gorkha' posts, manned by our simple, but obedient to the T, Gorkhas soldier.

Every thing was going smooth till the Capt reached this particular post manned by an alert, obedient, Gorkha sepoy and the routine challenging procedure started,

Thum kaun aata hai

Dost

Pehchaan ke liye aage barho

The Capt took a step forword

Paas word bataao

Ram

Shyaam, - Theek hai, aa jaao

The challenging procedure having been satisfactorily executed the Capt moved towards the sentry when he was challenged again,

Thum kaun aata hai,

Thoroughly confused and irritated the Capt went through the whole procedure once again.

The 'Gorkha' seemingly satisfied, once again said - 'Theek Hai aa jaao'

And the Captain moved once again.

Thum kaun aata hai

the Gorkha shouted again, - this time readying his rifle to fire.

The Captain was completely confused and asked him,

Maine tum ko abhi do baar Pass word bataaya hai. Tum ko samajh mein nahin aata hai ki mein dost hoon

-- Jee Shaab shamajh aata hai

Phir baar baar challenge quon kar rahe ho,

-- Shaab huqum hai

Kyaa huqum hai, - the Captain was completely pissed off

-- Shaab, Company Havildaar Major ne bola, Teen baar challenge karo , Fire karo

What !!! Abe lekin main to dost hoon, dushman nahin hoon.  Captain stared at the rifle pointing at him and ready to fire

-- Wo to pata nahin Shaab, hokum hai ki, Teen baar challenge karo , Fire karo

Sir, bari mushikil se jaan bacha kar aaya hoon us Gorkhe se. Jyadaa behes karta to wo mujhe Tirange mein lapet deta

There was a moment of silence before every one burst out laughing

Thum kaun aata hai shouted a sentry in the distance

And the Captain hurriedly ordered another drink,

THE MISSING BALL - - - - -

Sir, he has one ball missing.

What ?? An officer without balls. Not even a day old and having doubts already. You are too bloody young in the Army to be seeking such luxury.

(He was being Medically examined prior to the Court Martial. The rest of the comments he couldn't make head or tale of. In any case he was too nervous to think straight )

How did he get through the Medicals any way, wondered the Medical Officer aloud. Must have hidden facts he simultaneously concluded.

(He was trying to think hard. He had counted them both and so had the doctor in the Military Hospital during his medical examination, so what is this fuss about ? The conversation between him, the Company Commander and the Doctor was part of preliminary inquiry, which was as good as over. He was not only a 'Coward', he had also 'cheated' his way into the Army by concealing medical facts, the 'Board of Officers' had finally concluded.

I order Summary Court Martial to be held at 1600 Hr today, barked the Company Commander. Subedar Major, march him out.

The doctor was actually the Adjutant of the unit, an art graduate with no medical background (which explains the fantastic Medical diagnosis), The Company Cdr was actually the Regimental Medical Officer ( which explains the legal knowledge ) and the Subedar Major was the Unit 2^nd in Command which explains the detailed conspiracy. The newly commissioned officer had had a tough day. He had reached the unit having traveled eight hours in a 'One Ton'. He was ambushed enroute which he thought he had successfully fought all though the militants who were never seen were able to make a clean escape and hence the charge of 'Cowardice'. Now it seems in that melee, he had also dropped a ball.

The 2^nd Lieutenant who had joined the Unit after commissioning, with great hope, was in shock. The charge of 'Cowardice in the face of the enemy' was shameful enough; but the missing ball ?? Then what was it that he had felt just last night and which even now feels like one. But the 'Doctor' had checked and the 'Doctor' had concluded and recorded in the Medical history sheet. It was final. He had a ball missing.

The newly commissioned 2^nd Lt was Court Martialed at 1600 Hrs in ten minutes flat and punished with demotion in Rank for five years and was immediately demoted to rank of a Subedar Major !!! the next lower rank after 2^nd Lieutenant. The punishment was for 'Cowardice'. He was given benefit of doubt and had been dealt with leniently on the second charge. He would now have to report to the Military Hospital for further checkups.

The rest of the story is simple. The young 2^nd lieutenant (now demoted to a Subedar Major), on his way to Military Hospital was dismounted from the train and brought to the unit. He was given a warm welcome and promoted to the rank of a 2^nd Lieutenant once again and was permitted to join the elite family. The enemy that had ambushed him the previous day, joined him in the 'Dining in'. The question of the missing ball was never raised, and as if to vindicate the general belief, he continues to make it to the next rank with or without them.

He also commanded the unit he was Court Martialed in, the day he had joined it, and continues to rise high, not the least because of the less weight he has to carry.

MY BELOVED , AND MY WIFE'S - - - - - -

She was Sixteen then, and I was twenty six,

Born in seventy one, she was young and vibrant,

Actually for her community she was a little old.

I wasn't an adolescent either,

I was a young 'Lieutenant' than, and had always dreamt of some one like her, for a long time. I had a special affinity for her community. She was beautiful too, just as I had expected.

Hence the moment my 'Bua' took me to see 'Her' at the house of a Police Inspector where she had lived her life till then, It was 'love at first sight'. I said 'yes', instantly. Soon she was mine and we both seemed to be made for each other. I looked after her the way a lovelorn and smitten lover is expected to and she too was always there, by my side. I just had to 'desire' and she would be 'game'. Never 'letting me down', never saying 'no' and never 'tired'.

Soon it was time for her to meet my wife. My wife fell for her too, but some how 'She' didn't accept my wife fully. 'She' would once in a while stop 'cooperating' in the company of my wife. I would have to plead her, cajole her and only then she would move. Alone with me she would be in her elements. My wife loved her any way, more than me actually.

This has been the story till date. My wife looks after our home in the hills these days. I live alone. But I have not been able to part with 'Her'. We are still together. She is fine with me. But when my wife comes to visit me once in a while, she is still cut up, even after so many years of 'Cohabiting'. My wife calls 'Her' , her 'Saut', and with good reason. She just does not want to accompany her. My wife loves her nevertheless.

Offlate, my son too has been smitten by her charm. And I don,t blame him. He is a strapping young lad with 'desires'. And she 'despite her age' , still retains the 'charm' and the 'beauty' that has kept me and my wife in love with her, for such a long time.

We call her ' Combat Proven', because of the year she was born in,

'Nineteen Seventy One'.

She is my Seventy one model 'Royel Enfield' BULLET.

Some how and we just don't know why, when my wife rides pillion, she has to stop and refuse to move hence the 'Saut' tag by the dear wife who loves her more than me because of the beautiful moments we have spent together 'on' her, when she 'played up'.

There have been times when I have considered selling her off, but my wife 'Vetoes' the idea. I too am not keen actually. I just tease my wife once in a while for being in love with her 'Saut' more than me.

'Combat Proven' we love you.

We in the 'Olive Greens' are passionate people.

Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega

Love chahe phir 'Desh' ke liye ho, 'Parivaar' ke liye yaa phir tere liye

my dear ' Combat Proven'

THE NIGHT RIDERS    -- -  -   -    -
 

Kya Sir, you can't even scare a 'Dog' off the road.

The Captain and the Major were in good mood. Next day was Sunday, and there was nothing to dampen the spirits. The idea was to go to a good 'Chinese' restaurant after an extended tenure in the Officer's Mess 'Bar'. The Capt had purchased a Royal Enfield 'Bullet' recently, and he took it quite literally. The name Bullet ie.

But today the Major had taken over the bike and the Capt was riding pillion and was most dissatisfied the way the Major  was underestimating his beloved 'Bullet'. The Major being the senior felt  more responsible, which the Captain was interpreting as 'Old age' even if the difference between the two was only three years.

 Sir , aise to, restaurant band ho jaayega.

Shut up, and sit quite. the Major snapped. I will make sure you don't sleep hungry.

It was then that they crossed the 'Dog' sprawled on the road, which refused to budge an inch even as the Major deftly avoided it.

Kya Sir, you can't even scare a 'Dog' off the road.

The unsolicited comment hurt the Major. He was after all the senior. There was no way this 'Kal kaa Baccha'  going to teach him any thing. Let  alone ride a 'Bullet'.

Chal  phir , Dikhaata  hoon  tujhe;

The bike was reversed and it passed the 'Dog' again which continued to ignore  them. After going about  hundred meters,  the Major reversed  the 'Bullet' and took off. The 'Dog' saw the Bullet charging straight at him. Some thing told him, it was different, this time. He saw the headlight coming straight at him and tried to get up in a hurry to save itself.

It was then that the Major and the Captain realized that the thing sprawled on the road was actually a  'Buffalo' and not a  'Dog'.  The extended tenure in the Bar had had its effect. And both our soldiers had ample time to ponder over it after the impact.

A few weeks actually.

 The 'Bullet' too spent a few weeks in the workshop in the mean time.

The 'Captain', The 'Major' and the 'Bullet' are all fine and rolling full throttle again. The Bar is vibrant again.

The Buffalo too continues to be sprawled on the road assured in belief that it would never be taken for a 'Dog' ever again.  

 

 

 

 

     

 

 

 

 

ALLAH and the HAWAN - - - - - - -

ALLAH and the HAWAN - - - - - - -

I was sitting in the second row amused at what was going on in front.

It was a 'Hawan' org at the Unit 'Mandir' to ward off bad luck which had made its presence felt in the form of a few Road accidents, and Fire incidents etc in quick succession. 'Pandit Ji' had stated that a 'Hawan' would do the trick and there we were all sitting and fighting the 'Evil'

It helps. This belief in allmighty, this faith, actually helps. There are situations which a 'Fauzi' faces which at times are so impossible, that faith in the almighty is the only anchor.

This situation was not all that impossible though, but there was no harm in taking precautions and enlisting the help of almighty by doing a 'Hawan'. The Unit's 'Second in Command', officiating as Commanding Officer was doing the 'Hawan' on behalf of the Unit. He was chanting 'Swaha' with Pandit Ji and doing the 'Aahuti of Desi Ghee' in the 'Hawan Kund' with utmost sincerity.

Nothing unusual one would say but there is one little detail required to be added here. The 2IC happened to be a devout Muslim and a five times a day 'Namazi', --- doing Hawan ? !!! I tried my level best to spot some discomfort but not once did I notice any thing in his actions, nor any self doubt. And on our part too, not once did I or others sitting around; ('Hindus,Sikhs by faith) feel any thing wrong or unusual about a Muslim leading the 'Yagya'. What is it about Army life that makes one so 'Secular' in practice that the religious concerns never interfere with human relations. I don't remember ever having been told any thing during my training to practice or not practice any particular way of life. So how does it happen that a 'Muslim' never feels any discomfort in doing a 'Hawan' and Hindus sitting around have no problems with it .

I was much junior in service and rank, but I and the 2IC, had very good relations and hence I could afford to take some liberties with him. After the 'Hawan' I told him, " Sir, Don't you feel you have taken a major 'Panga' with 'Allah' by doing 'Hawan'. You better have a good explanation ready when you meet 'Him' on 'Kayamat ke Din'. He laughed and said "I am sure one of your Millions of 'Hindu Gods' will stand up for me and put in a word. They all ( The Gods) stay together you see and will honor each others recommendations. There is only one thing I am worried about. I hope I don't meet 'Him' in the presence of 'Pandits' and 'Maulvis. Otherwise they will give such a twist that I will be deprived of 'Jannat' and the 'Hoors' which are there waiting for me, and I will be destined to burn in the fires of Hell for centuries"

No way Sir,

I must assure you that you and the likes of you have your place reserved in our hearts.

This is the 'Jannat' you will always get to live in.